Two dreams I have and I feel your love through air.

I had dreams.

We had been together for 4 years. This is not a news to our friends, but it is a new thing to our family. We did not mean to hide it from them, there is a lot of story in between. I truly apologize that I could not say it out. But since we had already graduated, it's about time to announce to them. Afraid, Nervous, Happy... All kind of feeling mixed up. But I am glad I have you in my life. You are not handsome, I am not pretty. But we are both handsome, pretty, cute in each other eyes. I guess this is love.

Last night, the first dream I have related to you and your family. This is probably due to your mom knew about us last few days. In the dream, you bring me to your house. I get to meet your family first time. I was nervous in the dream. I am afraid that they do not like me. Turn out, they just treat me normally. Not many question. Somehow, I does not wish other to dig my privacy. I do accept other's care through question. But there is always a limit in questions. I have met three person that ask question in a way I do not like. But I am happy, in the dream, your family turns out to be very nice. Thanks you, my love.

Second dream I have is about some character I used to address myself and have already forgotten for few years. Vampire. Vampire has always been my favorite character which I used it to represent me during my down time. Cold, alone, but always a cool guys in handling thing. This is a person I wish to become. Not to say drink blood. But a vampire characteristics is the thing I found it very interesting. Vampire is cold and alone. But they have the ability to solve things, they can be very generous in offering you their help, even though people scare of them, they can be cool as they have already used to be ignore, used to be alone. I wish I can be as strong as them, where I don't mind to be alone and I can handle thing myself.

The dream is about my lover is a vampire. I am not afraid of vampires' family where all of them is vampire. Because when my hand is being hold by my lover, a vampire. I know they would not hurt me. Perhaps is the love? I am always the careless one. I would always seem like I could not do some simple thing well in front of my lover. In that dream, I feel the love from my lover. Somehow, he just looks like you. You used to always say me cant do thing well and help me. But when you wanted to offer me help, I will suddenly found the ways. I guess, I miss you.

Vampire, and you. You and vampire. You have made me a small girl in front of you. I glad you found me. I glad I have you. I love you.

Cherish

Tonight, a cold night,
which I had done some things and I think it's worth to use my time on it.

In this cold and relax night,
I cherish my memory,
I miss those time when I join WWL:-
Walts With Love 2011.

Those time was a hard time, but it is also a beautiful time.
First, I had gone through my nightmare,
sorry to say that I leave my family's dream toward me,
being a teacher is no longer in my mind.
I made the decision in last-minute.
And I know it did hurt my parent, make them worried,
but I can feel I am free to myself.

Second, all of us are at there together.
We work together to protect her, who is being far away from us (in our heart);
I miss the feeling of being together,
the feeling of creacting a record,
the feeling of myself towards you,
the feeling of being protected,
the feeling of learning Walts, and present it together with lots of people,
even though he is not my partner.
I don't know how he feel that time, but I enjoyed the moment he protected me.

Third, I learnt a dance, walts~
It's seem easy but not.
I assume myself to be beautiful while I am dancing.
Even though I knew I am not pretty,
but I enjoyed the momment,
I saw myself in my memories with a beautiful posture.

I cherish the memory~
10, is my number.
Walts with Love, yes, I did it.
Walts with my heart, with my love towards the world. <3

 

Progress

It has been four days since a new trimester started.
Did I keep my promise? Yes, I did it. Revise every night.
But I just doesn't feel anything. It's not like I will remember it well.
Perhaps my way are wrong, but I don't even know where is the mistake.
Well, I think I should keep it on.
Dude, it's only the first week. Everything has just started, you can't expect lecturer to teach more than 1cm paper. =D

Assignment, the only thing that make my head hurts right now.
It's just first week, and we knew the title, the duedate.
So far, I have already had 3 assignment to be done. One of them even have to be done before chinese new year. Well, work hard! Keep fighting!

Chinese New Year is coming! But it just doesn't seem can make me feel xcited about it.
When I was young, or I should say, when I was smaller, I used to feel extreme looking forward to this celebration. Wearing new cloth, eating biskuit (which only avaiable during CNY ), getting angpau, meeting those relative that we seldom meet ( some only met once a year ).. all this stuff, it's just seem not interesting anymore.
We are growing fast, now I can understand the hardness of parent to earn money. At that momment, everything I have, new cloth or even angpau, I just feel like I am wasting their money. But then I laugh at myself. This is because angpau is a blessing from them. Rather than using 'wasting' this word, I should say 'cherish'. I cherish everything I have now. Well, maybe I am not so exciting, but I am looking forward. Yes, definitely! Because I accept their blessing from my beloved. ^^

Faith

I made myself a target.
Study and revise whatever lecturer teach of the day and done all the tutorial.
Could I make it?
Believe in myself. Yes! I can.
Perhaps spend more time in hostel will be better.


Force myself to study more. What should I do to remind myself to study every night?
Maybe my own willpower..

I wish I can be better, better than better~

Result

Today, degree result is out, and so, my first year is officially end.

It's dissapointing. Last two trimester, I passed with flying colour. Never thought this senario can last for how long, but it end in this trimester. Seriously, am I sastified with it? Calm myself for almost one hour, I told myself not to care about it. But I knew, deep inside my heart, it's hurt. For anyone else, it is a better result rather than just good. I don't wish to talk anything in front of anyone else because I understand the consequences.

First year end. I wish I can be more hardworking, pass every subject with extreme flying colour again. If you know me well, you would know what the result means to me. But not everyone would accecpt my excuse. It doesn't means no one, yes, it would be someone who are there always listen to me, trying to understand me. 

Please be more strict to yourself, have a stronger willpower, Jesslyn!
It's now or never. You won't have another chance to repeat again.

Bluish day, in my heart, I am crying.

Miracle

Miracle.
This is what it has made everyone of us in here.

When everything has seem so wrong,
I feel so down.
It's feel like being pulled into a deep hole, a deep dark hole.
I tried to look around, hoping that some light appear.
Stretched ouy my hand, hoping someone hear my sound in my heart.
I feel so cold, I hold me back,
until the dark was gonna engulfed me.
And yet, you are here, as an angel,
shining in the dark,
pulling me up, up to the sky.
Until I feel the wind kissing my cheeck, the cloud be my scenary.
You are there, smiling at me,
telling me, it's alright.

Somehow, deep in my heart,
I do believe miracle,
I believe every person we met is a beautiful serendipity.
I believe there is always an angel in out heart, the one will lead us to the bright whenever we feel down. Maybe you didn't realised, but,
The angel is actually ourself.

The one with white wing.
Thanks to myself.